The Day I Looked Like David

Whatever one calls it, it is fun to be someone you are not, even if it is only in your little place of comfort or in the little events and places you construct so as you could be that something. And I could agree that if at that specific moment you made yourself to be that something, then it could be granted that you are that, relative to the place and event in which you were. So, this was the day I looked like David.

Well, in the perspective of someone who is into the unconscious , it is what we can call masking. Putting up a facade of what you want others to see, it might not be necessarily who you really are, but it is what you put up for others to see. The self is hidden somewhere in those layers, that is, if there is really a self. Because at an existential stand point, or for Sartre, there is only pure consciousness, no I, the I only happens to exist because there are the others who see you.

Well, what ever it is, I or consciousness, the point is that we live this life, there is life, so we exist to put something in it. I can really go along well with the idea that existence precedes essence because when I became aware of my consciousness I initially asked the question why; why am I alive? I didn't choose to be, so why? So it entails that I do not know why I am alive, I do not know my essence, so maybe, all that I have been doing is putting essence in my life. But it can also be argued that I am only fulfilling my destiny, I did not completely let go of that idea, that what I have been doing all along is filling up the void space given to me, that everything is already planned, and I'm just filling up that plan.

Pre-destination, that's what I mean, I am pre-destined and it has all been planned for me by someone or something. It really is not heart tearing to subject yourself to the divine, hehe, or what ever it is called. Because I have questioned enough, and it is not giving me anything. Personally, I reached nihilism on my own, after a life long quest, and a life long asking, a life long bitching, a life long everything, I had my share of life and I can say that nihilism is the end point of thinking, at least that's how I put it, since when I reached that point there is really nothing to think about anymore, or nothing to do anymore, I nearly killed my self when I got there. Nihilism; the end point of one's thinking, really, where can you go after that? You'll tell yourself that you are the key? That life is in your hands? It is you who will choose? Come one, let us not fool ourselves, by saying that, your only creating another reason, a created reason, same thing, only this time it is you who created it, what good it is compared to the one's you've broken free off? Hehe.

I'm being a little off-topic here. I am to discuss Camus' view of the absurd in another entry, because I also have the tendency to agree with him, for me it is the same as giving in to the divine or something, it's just that those are different things for him, because I somewhat see the divine as the absurd, but for him there is no divine. hehe. A little off-topic again.

Well, my point is that, what ever you want to call it, masking, or choosing, or existing, or other related terms, the bottom line maybe is that, we are alive. We have life in front of us and we live it, whether by choice, by chance, by whatever, really, including escaping it, is our way of living it. Life, life, life. A question, a challenge, a whatever. It is in front of us and we are asked to live it, so, we do. So the day I looked like David, well, not really, since I am behind a stone, hehe, is the day I can say I am alive, like how I can say I am alive right now, because I choose to do this post, or like how I can say I am alive everyday, not giving up.